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FAFQ {Frequently Asked Fertility Questions!}

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FAFQI’m often asked questions about fertility support, and when I recently sent out a ‘virtual chat’ survey to my mailing list I was asked a whole boat-load of them.

Replies came back in their hundreds, and of all the questions that were asked there were striking common themes resulting in 14 key questions.

As I read through these 14 questions and wrote my 14 answers I realised that THESE are what I am most frequently asked by anyone who wants to know more about fertility support. They’re the questions my clients ask, my friends ask, the person I’ve just met at a party asks… So I figured that YOU, dear blog reader, may also be interested to know the answers.

So here they are – my 14 FAFQ {Frequently Asked Fertility Questions!}

(The exact wording of the questions may have been changed to maintain confidentiality).

 

Q. How can I stay positive during my fertility journey? I find myself being very negative and stressed, and worrying about treatment not working and the money it’s costing. What can I do?

A. When people get in touch with me for one-to-one support many are feeling very stressed and negative. They know they don’t want to feel this way, but have no idea how to manage stress or where to start with the all the emotions related to their fertility journey. The technique I use at Fertile Mindset is EFT which is an extremely effective tool to quickly reduce stress, change your mindset, and reconnect with your natural positivity and resilience. When applying EFT, I always suggest starting with the issues which are the most demanding. What do you wake up thinking about? What is on your mind most of the time? Working through and resolving the biggest stressors in your life, can quickly have a big impact on how you are feeling day to day and how you cope with stress.

I often also suggest using EFT along with your own ‘stress radar’. This means keeping a look out for any stress response within you – both related to your fertility and elsewhere in your life. Once learned you can quickly use EFT on each of these stress responses and soon notice a big shift in how well you feel you are coping day to day.

Q. What is the emotional block that women have that is the most surprising to them? What emotional blocks could be stopping me conceiving?

A. I find the area of emotional blocks fascinating, as do many of the women who seek out my support (so I guess that’s why they are attracted to work with me!). Your fertility doctor won’t be able to order any tests to see if you have emotional blocks, but this doesn’t mean they aren’t present. Many women have an intuition, a deep sense of knowing, that blocks may be present and with a little guidance these can soon be uncovered and worked through. Within my work I have seen dramatic changes occur when potential blocks are resolved, including emotional changes and also physical changes such as ovulation re-starting, the menstrual cycle regulating, and of course pregnancies too. Was removing emotional blocks the reason? We can’t know for sure, but I do know that the women who choose to resolve these blocks continue their fertility journey and enter into pregnancy feeling much calmer and more in control of their emotional wellbeing which is wonderful in itself.

The kind of blocks that may be present are individual and varied, and can relate to experiences from the past about their own parenting, relationship with their mother, fears and worries about pregnancy and childbirth, and concerns about how a baby may change many aspects of their life, including body shape, finances, career, relationship, social life.. the list is endless! Within one-to-one sessions I support women in discovering and resolving these blocks which may be perfect for you if you’d like individual support.

Q. My husband wants a baby but isn’t willing to make the lifestyle changes to make it happen. We think so differently and I’m wondering if I need to change partners.. but I love him. What should I do?

A. It can be really tough on you, and your relationship, when you don’t see eye to eye on how to tackle your fertility issues. Often one half of the couple feels they are more committed and willing to make changes than the other, and resentment can quickly set in. Before you make any decisions about the future of your relationship as a first step I suggest working on YOU first. Bear with me…  What I mean is finding a solution (and EFT is the perfect choice) for calming the emotions being triggered in you by his lack of engagement. It’s amazing how much communication and relations improve between a couple when they feel less emotionally triggered. You say you know he wants a baby and you love each other, so I hope you find a way to follow a fertility plan which suits you both.

Q. How can I navigate through the highs and lows of IVF, with the excitement of high quality embryos and disappointment with implantation failure? And what can I do with EFT to support embryo transfer?

A. When so much time, money and energy is invested into an IVF cycle it’s natural that you’d want to give it your best possible shot, and that includes remaining as calm as possible throughout. However IVF can also be one of the most stress inducing processes you will ever go through. It doesn’t have to be that way. To prepare yourself for the highs, lows and sheer unpredictability of IVF I highly recommend preparing emotionally for a cycle as far in advance as you possibly can. When you use a technique like EFT you can address potential challenges and emotional issues now that may occur during your cycle. This way you will enter and navigate through your cycle feeling as calm and in control of your emotions as you possibly can. Of course there will always be the unexpected so on-going support during the cycle can be vital, and also using EFT as a really effective self-help tool when stress levels rise.

One of the most important times in your cycle to be relaxed is during your embryo transfer. As well as using EFT in preparation for the transfer, I also teach a method of using the technique discreetly while you’re on the table! No tapping is required, just a soothing focusing and breathing through each of the points which many find extremely effective in keeping them calm. If you’d like to learn how to stay calm during your next IVF cycle do get in touch: www.fertilemindset.com/work-with-sarah

Q. How do I keep trying after so much loss and disappointment? I feel ready to quit after miscarriages and IVF cycles that haven’t worked.

A. When you’ve been through experiences of loss during your journey it is really important to acknowledge and heal from those losses. It can feel scary and depressing to keep trying to conceive when your experience so far has been of loss and disappointment. Working through those losses, ideally with a therapist like me who can support you, can then help you discover if you really are ready to stop trying or if you do want to keep going. There’s no right or wrong length of time to keep trying and once you have healed emotionally from past experiences you will then be able to make the right decisions for yourself.

Q. How do you come to terms with reaching the end of your fertile period?

A. Recognising and coming to terms with the fact that you may no longer be able to conceive a baby is very similar to the grief process in that it can have many stages which need to be worked through. Alongside this process of letting go of having your own child, you may also be considering other routes to parenthood which are not related to your fertile period, such as egg donor treatment or adoption. Giving yourself the time and space you need to grieve and then consider new paths is vital, so release any pressure and take time to nurture yourself and heal.

Q. How can I decide if egg donor treatment, adoption or any other path is right for me? How can I make the right decisions so I don’t have regrets?

A. Decision making is something that many of the women I support are looking for help with. Today we have so many options and possible paths to parenthood that it can feel overwhelming and confusing. How can you know which path is right for you, and ensure you make the right decisions so you don’t have regrets later? Decision making with EFT is a relatively straightforward process, where we address all of your concerns and worries, and discover which path or option feels truly right to you. Not right for your doctor, your mother or your best friend – for YOU! And once you’re there it’s a very peaceful and empowering place from which to take action.

Q. Why can’t I get pregnant when everyone does?

A. It can seem like everyone around you is pregnant or has a baby, especially when you compare yourself to your peers who are at a similar stage in their life to you. It feels very unfair when other people fall pregnant easily, especially if they don’t take care of their health and are still super fertile! The truth is that 1 in 6 people do experience problems when they try to conceive so you are definitely not alone. As well as using EFT to help with any anger, frustration and sadness you feel when you see others who are pregnant, it can also be useful to connect with other people with fertility issues. My private Fertile Mindset Support Hub group on Facebook is a great place to do just that. Check it out here: http://www.facebook.com/groups/FMsupporthub/

Q. Is there anything else I can do to find out why I’m miscarrying?
What herbs can I take to balance my hormones?
Is there anything I can do naturally to reverse PCOS?
Am I having chemical pregnancies?

A. For support with the above, and anything else related to the medical side of your fertility my top recommendation is that you get in touch with Andrew Loosely at Natural Fertility Expert.  Andrew specialises in Chinese Medicine for Fertility and heads up a fantastic team of natural fertility experts (of which I am one!). His approach is to take an holistic look at your fertility situation, and help you find a way to resolve the issues you are having. A consultation with Andrew can give you many insights and possible solutions so do get in touch with him here: www.naturalfertilityexpert.com.

Q. What kind of diet should I follow for help my individual fertility issue? And do you know anything about MTHFR?

A. Fertility diet and nutrition is a powerful way to support your fertility, but it is outside my area of expertise. Therefore I recommend you consult a fertility nutritionist, such as Angela Heap from Fertile Ground Nutrition. Angela is also specialising in working with MTHFR. I work with Angela within the Natural Fertility Expert team, which is my recommended go to place for a truly integrated fertility support plan.

Contact Angela Heap at Fertile Ground Nutrition – www.fertileground-nutrition.com and Andrew Loosely at Natural Fertility Expert – www.naturalfertilityexpert.com

Q. Can I get support from you one-to-one or via your Fertile Mindset events from my home in the Middle East/Africa/USA/the rest of the world?!

A. Yes! One of the driving forces behind the work I do at Fertile Mindset is my mission to make fertility support accessible to everyone wherever in the world they are. This means my one-to-one consultations are carried out over the phone or Skype. I also regularly hold online fertility information and support events, and are accessible wherever in the world you are. Look out for my Fertile Mindset emails for news of the next events. Don’t receive them? Sign up in the bar at the top of this page  to make sure you’re on my mailing list (and receive my complimentary guide to the emotions and fertility too).

Q. Please could you provide me with more information about one-to-one support?

A. Of course, I’d be happy to! As mentioned above my one-to-one support is carried out over the phone or Skype. You can find out about my support package and pricing here: www.fertilemindset.com/work-with-sarah

Coming soon in 2015 I will also have a small number of half day intensive sessions to work with me one-to-one IN PERSON in New York and London. Interested in one of these sessions? Email me now to register your interest! These sessions will be full of breakthroughs, transformation and positive direction for your fertility!

Q. Do you offer any free support? Do you have a forum to chat with others on this journey?

A. Yes I do! It’s important to me that everyone has access to fertility support whatever their income or budget. A wonderful place to go for free fertility support and connection with others on a fertility journey is my private Fertile Mindset Support Hub group on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/groups/FMsupporthub. It would be lovely to see you there!

Q. Do you offer support for pregnant women?

A. Absolutely! Whether or not you’ve had support from me while trying to conceive, you are welcome to contact me about pregnancy support. Pregnancy can be particularly worrying when you’ve had fertility challenges and experienced miscarriage and loss in the past. Do get in touch if you’d like one-to-one support during your pregnancy.

 

Do you have a question not asked above? Add it below and I’ll be back to answer it very soon!

With love,

sarahholland

 

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