My Fertility Story Part 2: The Journey

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May 9, 2013


I remember the summer of 2004 so clearly. It was as if I was seeing the world with new eyes – the world my child would be born into – and visualising the family we were to become.

It was an exciting time, full of hope and wonder.

Having been so certain of the ‘childfree’ life I had planned, I had been using hormonal contraceptives for many years, and most recently the contraceptive injection. The effect of each injection lasted for 12 weeks and when the last one expired I could tell conceiving wasn’t going to be straightforward.

After an absence of periods for years due to the contraceptives, I started with a month long bleed which left me weak and exhausted. And then although I did start to have regular cycles, they were extremely short with around 2 weeks between periods.

It was at this time that I first read Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler. This best-selling fertility book was a real eye opener and would eventually lead to me conceiving my baby.

I was so excited to get my hands on this huge fact-filled book and read it from cover to cover. I emerged from this reading marathon feeling well informed and ready to tackle my fertility issues head on. I was excited to be on this journey!

I started fertility charting and discovered that within my very short menstrual cycles I wasn’t ovulating at all. Through diligent temperature charting I knew that my cycles were anovulatory (without ovulation) for a whole year.

Part of me wasn’t surprised by this as I’d pumped my body with artificial hormones for years, not to mention my lifelong mindset focussed on preventing pregnancy.

I was more motivated than ever to turnaround my fertility and bring back balance to both my mind and body.

So I continued to work with EFT for my emotional well-being, paying close attention to any blocks I may have had to conceiving. I also researched what could be done to optimise my fertility naturally using diet and natural therapies.

I studied books by Dr Marilyn Glenville and Patrick Holford. I took fertility boosting supplements and herbal tinctures. I had reflexology, kinesiology and acupuncture regularly and tapped my way through all of this with EFT, both by myself and with other EFT practitioners guiding me (it’s always useful to get the input of others!).

A truly positive aspect of my journey was the amazing support I received.  As I took on the role of being my own “cheerleader” for my fertility, it was then easier to seek and accept the support of others.  And in turn I had the inner resources and strength to continue to offer support to others, to both my clients and my friends.

I didn’t view my fertility issues as a taboo subject and would discuss them openly with family and friends. There were a few tactless comments thrown my way at times but it was easy to let those go as I focussed on the support and strength I was receiving from my husband, my mum and my friends.

Another great support network for me was found online through a pregnancy and parenting forum. Many of the women on there were also dealing with fertility issues and it was wonderful to share our experiences. The fertility issues I had seemed to perplex my doctors. Although I was now ovulating (and I remember that first ovulation well – I celebrated as I saw my temperature rise!) my cycles varied greatly in length and the number of days between ovulation and my period were too few. Through my own research I knew this was a Luteal Phase Defect and could be the reason I was unable to conceive. But my doctor didn’t agree and offered me two solutions: clomid or IVF.

My intuition told me this wasn’t needed. I was ovulating but my progesterone levels were low. This meant it was difficult to get pregnant, and also made miscarriage more likely. When I saw my first ever positive pregnancy test, followed by a negative test the next day and my period followed (known as a ‘chemical pregnancy’) I knew that I needed to take further action.

My doctor said he couldn’t help me. As far as he was aware my progesterone levels were ‘normal’ so I discharged myself from his care and looked for support more suited to my issues.

I shared my situation on the online fertility forum and was excited to hear that others had similar issues and had found support and understanding from a specialist clinic.

Feeling empowered with this support in the background a few months later I saw my next positive pregnancy test – on Christmas Day 2006! I was so excited to be pregnant again and as soon as the clinic reopened after Christmas I made an appointment to be seen immediately. The specialist there confirmed my thoughts – yes I was pregnant, but my progesterone production was much too low. He recommended I started supplementation immediately, and all being well I would take it throughout the first trimester of pregnancy.

So we started on an exciting and surreal journey into early pregnancy, with regular scans at the clinic, regular supportive acupuncture and continuing to nourish my body – and my baby – with a healthy diet (well as much as possible, as I craved a lot of carbs in early pregnancy!).

Although the first trimester is known to be the most risky, especially with my fertility issues, I enjoyed these early days and had a calm curiosity about what was ahead for me. My friends would ask wasn’t I anxious, wasn’t I scared of miscarrying but I honestly wasn’t. I did have a realistic outlook though and knew I had to take each day as it came. All in all it was a very comfortable and peaceful time.

Throughout this time (and for a few months before I conceived) I wore a fertility charm from New Zealand around my neck loaned to me from one of my most supportive friends. This charm had apparently worked for her, and for another of her friends. In fact that friend had passed it on to me directly as soon as she reached the 12 week milestone in her long awaited pregnancy. It was so reassuring to wear that charm, and I wore it every day. I’m not sure I believed in the ‘magical’ aspect, but I do know that it represented the love and support I was receiving from those around me, and that was priceless.

At the 7 week scan we saw and heard our baby’s heartbeat and the clinic passed me on to NHS care. We’d reached one of the important milestones and from then on my pregnancy continued to be very happy and healthy. I offered to return the fertility charm to my friend, and I was instructed where to send it – to another of her friends who was also dealing with fertility issues! And so the ‘magic’ went on…

On 6th September 2007, over 3 years since my fertility journey began, I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy James, just 4 minutes before his due date weighing a perfect 7lb 1oz (bang on the 50th centile – my Mr Average baby!).

So does my story finish there?

When I was pregnant I imagined that I would want another baby immediately – as small an age gap as possible was my plan. But of course I knew that it may not be that straightforward. Another quite different journey was about to begin.

To be continued..

Would you like to share your story too? If you’ve used EFT on your fertility journey you can share your story and give support and hope to others here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/NMQRBGD

My Fertility Story Part 1: The Awakening

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April 18, 2013


Because I’m so passionate about fertility and supporting others on this journey I’m often asked about my story.  I’m always happy to share but never have I done so in such a public way. Until now..

Today I am going to be sharing the first part of my personal fertility story.

There are a few surprising elements to my story and where it all started is no exception.

Given my interest in all things fertility related, it may come as a shock to hear that for most of my life I didn’t want children. From a very young age and up until my mid-twenties I was adamant that I would never, ever have children. I had many reasons behind this decision and was happy to remain “childfree by choice”.

Before I married my long term boyfriend in 1999 I told him that I was 100% sure I would never have children and if he wanted to marry me he would need to accept this. He said he did but that we shouldn’t make such big decisions now. However I knew my mind was made up; this was a certainty for me.

So convinced was I that I would remain childfree – and so fearful of pregnancy and childbirth – that I planned to be sterilised at the age of 30; the youngest recommended age for the procedure to be successful.

How things can change.

A couple of years into our marriage I was introduced to EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) as a possible solution to my phobia of public speaking. EFT worked very quickly and took away all the fear I had about talking to groups. This fear had been with me since I was a very young child and it was gone, almost instantly.

I was intrigued. If EFT could work this effectively on what was a deep rooted fear, what else could it do?

I experimented using the technique on a range of emotions and found that it consistently left me feeling calm and relaxed. Excited about the potential I decided to train professionally in EFT and then used this technique with the clients I saw in my reflexology practice. The results were mind blowing! Life long phobias like mine were eliminated. Anxiety was resolved and stress reduced in a huge range of situations.

The women I had been seeing for fertility reflexology had a very interesting response to EFT. Where they had been stressed to the max by their fertility issues, and grieving the pregnancies they had lost and babies they hadn’t conceived, with EFT they became so much more positive, calm and hopeful. It was wonderful to see the transformation, and watch them go on to conceive their long awaited babies.

Little did I know that my own transformation was just around the corner.

It was Spring 2004 and I’d been using EFT extensively on myself and I guess I’d generally reduced a lot of negative emotions and thought patterns in myself. I felt calmer and less stressed over all. It was fantastic!

And then as if from nowhere I started to hear a question in my mind.. “Maybe I do want children?”  It was confusing as I’d never had these thoughts before. What did it mean?

I hardly recognised myself but the voice persisted with its question and I could tell this was important.

So on an unusually warm Spring day I decided to sit in my deckchair in my sunny garden and take some time to acknowledge each issue and experience that had lead me to the decision not to have children.

There were many and they had roots that were buried deep into my life as far back as early childhood and even the day I was born.

As I acknowledged each issue I applied EFT to it, and within minutes I was gaining a fresh new perspective on each of these previously traumatic experiences.

As I sat in the sun on my deckchair tapping through these issues it was as if the sun shone a little brighter as each one was cleared with EFT. My thinking was becoming clearer and I felt a profound sense of peace, and curiosity also about the new life that was laid out in front of me.

During that very cathartic tapping session in the sunshine I worked through several key issues:

I acknowledged my only experience of childbirth – that of my own – which left me with a genuine phobia of birth known as tokophobia. At a young age I learnt about the traumatic way that I came into the world. My mother had pre-eclampsia and during labour the doctors believed that I had died. They rushed my mum into theatre for an emergency caesarean and the last words she heard before she went under were “the baby’s died, now we need to save the mother”. Fortunately thanks to the quick actions of the doctors we both survived and it was discovered that an exceptionally short umbilical cord had threatened both of our lives in labour. No one could have known this, and hearing this story at a young age laid down a core belief for me that childbirth is dangerous and I would never put myself in that position.

I also thought about my father, and the fact that he had been mostly absent my whole life. His actions left me with many unanswered questions. How could he leave a baby daughter behind? Why didn’t he ever want to see me? How can a parent be that way? Without answers and reasons as to why my own father seemed incapable of being a parent, I was left with a fear that perhaps I also wouldn’t know how to be a good parent.

And lastly I acknowledged the fact that I was an only child – and indeed an only grandchild with no cousins, nieces or nephews meant that I had no experience whatsoever being around children. Even during my own childhood I had preferred the company of adults and found children uninteresting. How could I be a parent if I didn’t understand children? Why would I want to bring a child into my family?

All of these were heavy issues to work through, and as I recall them now I realise what a powerful tool EFT was to help me quickly and cleanly address each of them and gain a much more healthy perspective.

As I stood up from my deckchair and went inside into the cool of the house, I recognised that I was a changed person. I wasn’t the frightened girl with layers and layers of protection from the world. I was now a woman who felt a real and tangible pull towards becoming a mother. I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to give birth. I wanted to snuggle my beautiful baby and be their mother forever and ever. It felt so very right.

I shared this ‘awakening’ with my husband and in an emotional conversation he told me he had been feeling the same way!

A short while later I confided in my mum. She said that she had noticed a change in me, which confirmed to me that it had been a gradual process since I learnt EFT and started using it to clear my life time of ‘stuff’.

My husband and I decided to take our time and planned to use our summer holiday in June to talk about potential ‘baby plans’. So in June 2004 on a campsite in Scotland we made the decision that 2 would become 3. It was one of the happiest days of my life. And like almost every woman who tries to conceive, I thought it would happen straightaway but there was another plan in store for me.

To be continued..

Would you like to share your story too?  If you’ve used EFT on your fertility journey you can share your story and give support and hope to others here: http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/NMQRBGD

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